"

It's over... It's strange how my entire existence has been wrapped up in my higher learning experience. I know that the end will lead to great new beginnings but it feels weird to be done, almost like I'm not really. The uncertainty is really the most uncomfortable. The "what's next?" and the "now what?" that hang over my head. The weird middle ground that I'm left in post-graduate is awkward at best. But, I'm doing OK compared to some of my fellow graduates. I do have a job, at least for the summer, which has left me feeling anxious but excited for something new. I feel like a freshman all over again. The living back at home thing is kind of weird as well, it reminds me of high school and the constraint that I felt back then. I know that I have more liberties now but living here feels very claustrophobic. At least now with school done I will have the time to do things that I've waited the last five years to do. It will also lend me to having too much time on my hands. But at least I've got a degree to fall back on.

So, I like stink at updating this thing. It's there and I know that there are times that I would definitely enjoy venting my frustrations verbally but alas. So none the less here's my top five Christmas songs of 2007:

5. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" by Dean Martin
4. "Grown Up Christmas List" by Amy Grant
3. "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey
2. "Santa Baby" by Kylie Minogue
1. "This Christmas" by Donny Hathaway

So begins the start of yet another school year. In someways it is my last, unless my hopes come true. I'm in such a state of disarray... Part of me just wants to be done, but another is really wishing I had another few years to really start enjoying this. I just wish there was a clear cut answer to the questions I'm having. So far I have a few choices lined up for grad school... these are NYU Steinhardt for a MA in Music Business, Emerson College for a MA in Intergrative Marketing Communications, and Columbia College Chicago for an MA in Arts, Entertainment, and Media Management. As for looking for jobs outside of school I've been paying attention to Live Nation, The Pheniox, and a few other key sites. I just wish my life had some sort of pattern right now that I could count on. Even if I had to wait a year to go to grad school at least then I'd have some sort of clue as to what was happening in my life. My dream, and possible finacial reality as of right now, is to get a job with Live Nation and work there for a year in the Boson office. Then after that transfer to New York and attend NYU while still working in the Live Nation office as they are quite obviously all over the country. That way I could have the best of both worlds, work a job that I'll love and go to school for something I've dreamed about. That way down the line if I move up through the ranks at Live Nation I can eventually be a production manager at a large venue like the Tweeter Center or get the opportunity to tour with a group as a Personal or Tour Manager. Living the dream, right? Well right now I've got to finish my first dream to get to my next.

As for everything else, things are... things. Classes are the usual, exciting at the beginning for the chance to start fresh and then slowly getting tiresome by midway through till your down to the home streach and you just don't care anymore. The thrill of starting something new is exhilirating. But the comfort of an unchanging routine is also something that I'm looking for. The subtle balance is the key to a happy person. I want new challenges and lazy sundays. After a long week of hard work, having that moment where you sit in a small cafe with a coffee and newspaper and just watch the world go by. Here's hoping...

For now, though, I'm just going to live the dream.

The future is uncertain. That stance is common currently of my brethren, we all are lost and looking for some sign. I stand before uncertain roads, ones that leave me with impatience and solitude for they do not make things light. Do I take one path, towards an educated future with some play at living the dream or do I play it safe and hope for the best? Dreams evolve but if I don't follow mine will it ultimately leave me lost? I just hope that I can make a choice before they are all taken from me like the dark winter takes the sun.

Watching the fireworks tonight brings back the excitement of childhood. The freedom and the lackadaisical attitude that as adults we tend to loose. They are the symbol of hope, the start of something new. Within a week I will be close of finishing the next step in my life. To finalizing a path that I have haphazardly journeyed across with hope of creating lasting memories in my life.

I am lost, with writers block. My verse is tinged with melancholy and stilted. The whimsical touch that I prided myself on has been buried lately and the conscious effort of digging deep within is a tiring effort. Maybe the change of scenery with enrich my mind again and bring about a new outlook and a fresh start.

I feel the need to post something...

But I can't find the words.

Half spoken sentences.
Half hearted lies.

Maybe someday, they'll come to me.

April can suck it. This weather is ridiculous, similar to how today has been. Two cars were crushed by a tree falling, power lines down everywhere, this town looks like ground zero. The strength and magnitude of nature is impressive at best.

Things are starting to turn around a bit. I'm finally signed into my internship and I think my finances are slowly getting figured out. Bethen and I are a little closer to getting an apartment, thank god. And my roommates are telling your mama jokes, this has been the weirdest day ever.

Well... I think this is going to be one of my last posts over here. I think I need a clean break and the whole "sweetsong2003" screen name has a lot of negative stimuli attached to it that I'm slowly trying to rid myself of. I'll probably still keep this name just for music, but posting will be moved. I've had another one for a while that I've slowly been working on and I finally think that coffeeandvinyl is ready to go.

Who knows, I'm unpredictable.

So... I haven't posted in a month. Life has been a weird roller coaster since the last post. Spring Break was good, spent a good amount of time relaxing. Went to Hampton... twice and Boston. Both were totally necessary. Going back to work was rough as Target is pretty much a den of shame. I really wish I'd just find a new freaking job already. The Vagina Monologues were this weekend and it was great to be back on the stage and hanging out with some new people that I haven't had the chance to hang out with. Then... today I get a huge bomb shell. I didn't get back on to PACE. The letter, artfully crafted to make the blow less severe was nothing but. For the last four years I've given nothing but dedication and time to this organization and all I receive back is a sorry excuse. It's like all the work that I've done has been bullshit. That kills me and makes me think, was it all worth it? None the less, I'm now back to square one. I don't know what's going to happen next year, but now things are more uncertain than ever. The only certainty is that Bethen and I hopefully will find a place soon and that I have my classes to take care of. I just... I just don't know any more.

At least I have my friends. With out them, I don't know what I'd do. My family of choice, and my strength. Now, enough with the sappyness someone pass me a beer.

So Monday night was pretty much next door to amazing. PACE sponsored a trip down to see John Mayer at UMass Amherst as I was lucky enough to snag one of the spots as a driver. So with two packed cars we ventured through three states to go see a stellar show. The opener was Mat Kearney, an Aware Artist, who put on a good act and is getting some great stage time through opening for Mayer. Between sets I rushed like hell to the mob at the merch table to get a t-shirt and almost got taken out by two 16 year olds. The venue, while huge, reminds me why I like to go to smaller shows. Back at out seats there was a short wait, the lights dimmed and the show started. The stage set up was great, minimalist with great light show in the back. John rocked the house with his team of misfits, which surprisingly had David Ryan Harris someone I wasn't expecting to see. Great show, he had his comedic intervals as usual, and the set list was a strong contender. Other than the close to four hours drive back due to hitting a snow storm it was beyond amazing.
( Some pictures from the show )
Anyways, great concert and I totally can't wait to see him again.

Things are absolutely ridiculous lately. My family, as completely messed up as we are, is strained at best. And then I get throw one hell of a punch from my Dad. Apparently he needs open heart surgery to correct a birth defect that they just found... if he doesn't get it he'll have anywhere from four months to about two years to live. I'm sorry, as much as he wasn't always there growing up I'm still attached to that man like industrial strength glue, I'm pretty sure I'd mentally just break if I lost him. And, as usual, Pam (the crazy girlfriend) is a source of stress around the house. She has to move in with us... I just am blank. I know that it's for ridiculously good reasons and my father could never just throw anyone out on the street but it's having my brother have a conniption fit, which in turn freaks me out. I'm just sick and tired of the damn fighting.

Thank the good lord Allocations is almost over, because as much as I love the committee members Wednesday (AKA decision night)might just kill me. Whatever, when it's all done I'll at least have my life back... until the Vagina Monologues. Actually, I might not... I'm thinking about applying for the Assistant A&E Editor for The Clock. It'd give me a shoe in for next year to get the editor position, but I don't know if I'm ready, writing wise, to pull off a whole section by myself. I mean, I haven't really taken a straight up writing class since Freshman year with Composition. If I do take it on, I have a feeling that not only will I be spending my life in The Clock's office, but I'll probably have to take the journalism course. Not like I really have time to, but whose counting.

Man, spring break can not come fast enough. This year should definitely be fun though, first we're all going down to Washington, DC for an Anti-War Rally. I'm not really the whole civil rights war marching type but hell I've never been to DC... or Pennsylvania, New York, or Maryland which we'll be going through to get there. Then, we're going to Montreal! Besides Bethen and myself everyone else will be under 21 so bringing them to the bars for the first time will be hilarious. Maybe I'll get another tattoo while I'm up there. ;) The break, to say the least, will be a complete blessing. No work, school, or stress.

Speaking of work, I may have just found myself another job! Gap in Tilton is hiring and I'm going to run like hell down there and apply my little heart out. I've been wanting to work there for a good long while and it means that I wouldn't have to book it down to Concord every weekend, I could just come back home. And with moving off campus this summer in to my first real apartment with Bethen I'd rather just drive back home every night then go stay in the small hole in the wall that is my so-called room. I'm praying that Michelle is there and will hire me... she was a great boss at Target and hopefully that will look well in terms of hiring. I just need a break, as much as I love the people I work with driving home every weekend might just kill me mentally much more than physically.

Alright, enough ranting. Later dudes.

We just got a lot of snow. Correction... a metric fuck ton. It's like hip deep, which really doesn't say much cause I'm pretty close to the ground as is, so it makes things pretty funny to get around. I just find it funny that on Ski Day, they day that we already had off to just go bum around on the mountains, we get hit with a wicked snow storm and classes get canceled anyways. At least morning classes got canceled today, that was pretty sick.

This weekend's going to be strange. I'm not "working" for the first time in a while. I'm actually scheduled for Friday from 5 to close but I'm calling in, there's no reason for me to drive down there and then back up to Plymouth for five measly hours. Hell, that just will barely cover my gas for my thoroughly buried car. I might have four wheel drive but when the snow is up to your bumper that might be a slight issue.

I've just recently taking on the over ambitious task of trying to organize my CDs alphabetically and catalog them. I figure if I don't do it soon, I'm going to be in real trouble. (On that note, I totally need to pick up more CDS...) With my average of gaining at least two new CDs a week it's becoming a hassle to not having them in line.

Speaking of music, this year's Grammys were stellar. Normally I just ignore them because the "talent" that they've been featuring in recent years have been lacking. But man, was this year like a make up. First, The Police opened up the show and did a stellar rendition of Roxanne. Then the performance of Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend, and John Mayer was so diferent and well done it was a treat. Plus Mayer winning two was sweet. That and the moment when James Brown's "cape attendant" brought out that famous red cape and placed it on the stand with that singular spotlight focused on it was such a touching moment.

Anyways, speaking of John Mayer I get to go see him in concert again!!! PACE is sponsoring a trip to see him at UMass Amherst and I get to drive which means I get to GO! I'm totally stoked, the last time I saw him live was Summer of '03 when The Counting Crows opened up for him. AHH! So excited!

Otherwise, things are pretty much amazing. :)

I feel like I never post any more. This is sad, but sadly a fact of life. Things over all are OK. It's allocations time again so for the next three weeks I've given myself over to the overlords of Student Senate. It's a little easier of a commitment than every Sunday, plus two committee meetings, and office hours during the week. I can deal with three weeks, especially because they give us free food.

I officially hate the Bursar's office much more than I did. They have me in a financial hold because apparently I "overloaded" on classes last semester, a lie as I started off with 17 and moved down to 13 all of which is in the normal credit range, and my winterim class is not getting covered even though I signed a contract to cover what need be. In other words, Plymouth, yet again, provers that they really do hirer their finest. Hopefully it will get all cleared by Friday or they're going to have one really mad girl on their hands.

Classes are fulfilling their duty of taking over my life and boring the hell out of me. Musicianship I could really do with out, along with Financial Management and Finite Math. Consumer Behavior and Event Marketing isn't so bad, maybe because they actually center around my damn major so I actually give a crap. ::shrugs::

I really could use some coffee right about now. That'd be great, thanks. In other words, back to glaring at people in my hole in the wall, which by the way now shares spaces with a delightfully large retired ski chair. Yea...

So, back to business as usual. Classes started today, so far so good. It shouldn't be a too stressful semester as long as I stay up with the work. Which, is admittedly, a lot. Hopefully as things start to level out it'll be business as usual. I just need my schedule to start resembling something with discipline so that I'll feel some sort of normalcy. At least for the next four months. This summer should be interesting enough. With work, my beloved internship, and now moving in with Bethen in Ashland (so excited!) I'll be one more step to graduating and having a real honest-to-God job. And, hopefully, out of retail!

Not that I hate my job, I just hate the prejudices that some of the "guests" have when they walk through that sliding door. Like I am your damn maid. Which, in case the sarcasm didn't insinuate, I'm not. Nor am I your butler or baby sitter. As long as this is remembered and you don't act like a stupid adolescent who just got a hold of Daddy's credit card, we're square. Who knows, come March I'll probably look around at the job market and see what's available. Maybe something in Tilton... that'd be nice.

I'm really in no mood to buy textbooks. Especially because one of my freaking classes from last year changed over some of them and really screwed me over. At least I only "technically" have to by two as I have the rest of them. Well... except replacing that other book so three really. Luckily enough my paycheck just barely will cover it. I'll have enough to make a quick run to the grocery store, pay one bill, and get gas for my car to get through the next two weeks. Ah, college. At least I have Flexcash again which means more coffee I don't have to pay for. Yes!

I swear, the people in this college keep getting weirder and weirder. Anyways, I'm off to slum it at work for a bit before hitting the gym. Yeah, you heard me.

Gah, it's freaking cold. My hands are ice blocks. Brrr.... I miss the blistering sauna that is my apartment, luckily I'll be back there tomorrow! To say the least, I'm psyched. Not for the semester to start, lord knows my schedule sucks the big one, but to see everyone and to finally get back into the swing of things. With my winterim class finishing last night when I turned in my final, getting back to regular classes will be an interesting change of pace. Not like I can afford the books for this semester, but one can only do so much.

( Ignore my mini ranting moment... )

Eh. I really don't want to do laundry. Or pack. Can't I pay someone to do this for me?

Bah, I'm bored. And I really don't want to do any more homework tonight, I need a break. At least I have Monday and Tuesday off before I move back... which will be when I get out of work on Sunday night. Gross. What's grosser is my schedule for this coming semester. Let's just say I'm back to my over involved ways and I'm sure my roommates will never see me. Oh well, you only live once.

So, I'm back to my CD burning rampage. My computer's memory got ridiculously low so that was the sign that I need to get some music off of my computer... FAST. Hopefully, once I get my books purchased I'll have some cash left over to get that damn storage drive. Then I might be able to hold all my music together.

Speaking of new music... Fall Out Boy, I have to say I'm honestly disappointed at your new CD. I know that since you boys have started hanging out with the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan that what every little scene cred you had left was pretty much gone, but your new CD is just sad. It's Panic! at the Disco 2. Over produced, super sugary, and while catchy it is so far to the left of Take This To Your Grave and the likes of your earlier work that I don't know if I can honestly respect it. I'll still listen... simuilar to My Chemical Romance's "Black Parade", I'll quietly unleash my inner 12 year only and listen to all the Top 40's catchiness. But I won't feel good about it. None the less, I won't be surprised when this CD does well on the charts.

Whatever... back to making more CDs.

I'm such an LJ slacker lately. Nothing really exciting has been happening, so it almost feels pointless to update. Pretty much I've been working, doing homework, and being a bum. All I have to say is the 28th can't come fast enough so I can go back to my lovely apartment and back to the craziness of 82. While I like having the break, it's starting to drag on now that most people are back at school.

I feel so uninspired lately. Even with the time that I do have on hand, it has just lent itself to boredom. Though, I finally rented "The Last Kiss", "Little Miss Sunshine", and "Everything Is Illuminated" and I have to say I'm a major fan of all three. Definitely worthy purchases that I can see in my future, once my finances are a little more level... pretty much after I finish paying for Winterim tuition and my spring text books. Maybe... I really want to put some money away from my checks along with look into getting an additional hard drive for my computer to back up ALL of my music. Either that or a new stereo for my car, but that will probably still be on the list for this summer once I pay for summer's tuition for my internship... once I line one up, that is.

I need to take my camera out soon and start giving it some proper use. I finally bought some more black and white film and fixed the shutter, which likes to stick with much regularity, so I need to take some time out and remember to bring it with me. Every time I'm out driving I keep looking at different moments and wishing that I have a loaded camera with me. I think I blame this recent development on my dear room mates, who have taken our former "beer closet" and turned it into a dark room. Strange as it is, it sort of feels right. At least now we'll use the space, near the end when we all rang out of money it was just becoming a pit.

So, I don't normally make "New Year's Resolutions"... so I won't call them that, but just somethings that I need to improve in my life to feel better about myself. I short, I need to make a "strict" budget for myself and stick with it so I can start getting ahead somewhere. I also want to ACTUALLY get in gear and drop some weight, especially because since I busted my ankle and spent so much time on my butt which effectively made it bigger. And as long as I stay organized this year, and not procrastinate to a ridiculous amount, things should be better. I think I'm starting to get this whole Adult thing... slowly.

Well... Happy Holidays and Happy New Years. Yeah, I know I'm late and haven't updated in a couple of weeks, but it's all with good intent. Spent most of the past couple of weeks at work or hanging out either at Brandon's for Christmas or at 82 for the past couple of days for New Years. All I have to say is, complete contentment... well, besides my grades. Thoses just suck.

Taking another class during Winterim, only online this time. It doesn't look like it'll be too hard, it's all about basic Excel stuff and like begining Power Point crap. Pretty much the same class I took Freshman year, only i get to take it again so I can actually have it count towards graduation. Damn you, Plymouth.

I... ah... I'm just going to go right now. There are a copeious amount of people in this apartment and there's no way I'm focusing right now.

And... another picture because I can:



Oh yeah, and seeing multiple deadly looking accidents, working till 1am, and then getting pulled over for a sobriety check makes Jen a sad panda.

I'm stuck in the booth... for six hours. This is the epitome of disgusting. The girl who normally shows up for the 10-12 shift never showed. Thank god I didn't have something to do... like pack... or anything cause that would have sucked. I'm just going to have to book it from here, to the book store, home to pack, say good bye to my beloved room mates, then book it home to work till the store closes tonight. Woohoo.

So, I just finally signed up for a winterim class. I didn't think that I would be able to afford it as the class was $810 but because I'm getting money back for next semester and they pushed the due date for the money back till January 15th I'll be able to afford the $450 that it'll take to attend the class online. Plus the text book is only $30 which I'm content with. Really it's just a Microsoft Excel 2003 manual... it's like computer class back in PA all over again. But at least I'll have one less class I'll have to take for graduation. Oh sweet, sweet graduation... you're too far away.

Last night was like the final send off at 82. The final culmination of the 82-ites, all hanging out at random intervals during the night. For most of the dialog it was Seth, Ian, Bethen and myself... with guest appearances by Nick when ever he randomly came down stairs, Alyson and Levi for a short bit, and then Arlin and John which as usual was hilarious. There was some video games played, some CDs made, and a little smoking from Seth and Ian's new hookah. I think that this past semester has indeed, like previously stated from Bethen, been my best semester at PSU. My grades will probably be crap, but damn did I have a blast. Things are going to change a lot, people coming and going with new experiences to be made, but the memories that we made from the past four months will stay with all of us.

None the less, it will be amazing to see everyone at home for break. The usual craziness at Lavin's will ensue and I'll feel grounded again and at the root of my core. I need that. The little reminders of home and life before the chaos of college and the real world. High school was a beautiful and artificial time for myself. Crystallized memories of moments that at times seemed minuscule but are so much bigger than I could have imagined.

Alright, enough emo thoughts. I'm going to go back to staring at a wall... because no one's in the freaking building! Gesh.

Finals, thank god are finally done. Though, now comes the akward time of waiting to find out the results of all the hard work (or in my case slacking) that has been put in through out the semester. Hopefully things work out the way that I hope they will, cause I really could use a break lately.

Soon enough it'll be home again, back to the small hole in the wall I refer to as a room. I need to attack that thing and gut it. I'm bored with the set up, and the damn loft is just getting in the way now. I'm hoping to configure something that will let me keep everything that I have in there now along with bring in my keyboard that's just randomly sitting in the living room collecting dust. This is going to take a keen eye, a lot of packing boxes, and a measuring tape for sure. Hopefully, all will go well with out too much hastle.

I actually bought christmas cards this year. I'm not sure why, I always get three in and then get too lazy to look up addresses and get stamps. Strangly enough, the art of the written letter is sort of a lost form. The romantisized idea of the pen pal has given way to the instintanious speed of email. I guess emoticons make it a heck of a lot easier to fill space if the words are just not there. Still, who knows? Maybe someone better than I can make a dent in the written letter movement.

I'm really getting into the whole indie music scene lately. The power of the internet has given me this, that and the initial knowledge of Zach Braff for the Garden State Soundtrack. The music of that film got me thinking and searching more than before. I wasn't really mainstream anyways, but I'm getting deeper into the depths of the culture that is something I wasn't expecting. We'll see what happens now.

I think I've finally found the internship that I'm really going to gun for this summer. Aware Records is a fine dream, but I don't freaking have the money to live in Chicago and work at their headquarters for free. Anyways, I'm going to try and get a Marketing or Advertising internship at The Pheniox in Boston. That way I wouldn't have to try and scramble for a place to stay along top of other things, I'd just live at home and take the bus and then the T in to work everyday. I just think that this job would be amazing for me, at least to have the experience to take on afterwards alone would be killer. Then graduating would be a whole lot less scary as I would have a better prospect of what I'm looking for in a career.

Anyways, I think I'm going to try and make some food. Or at the least see if we have anything left and try and reach the microwave or stove as both are throughly covered with dirty dishes.